You know, it's funny how life can make you so happy and at the same time you can feel so empty. Don't get me wrong I brought his on myself and don't get me wrong I am happy. It's just a coincidence a really bad one to see how life unfolds itself to you. Everyone says that everything happens for a reason. So at the times when one feels shitty, alone, and useless, it happens for a reason. With times of disappointment, regret, bitterness, one feels numb, doesn't know how to feel or sometimes just wants to curl up into a ball and just sulk into the feeling. Life does go on and it is always going to have its moments of feeling like this. And since I am human, I think, I do hate feeling like this, really just wanting to have the feeling of someone there, someone just someone.
To think about how much we control our lives, the things we do to make things happen sometimes by the chance of luck do not happen. No matter how much one wills something, that's life for you.
To think about the realities of our will and desires and then the realities of what is able to happen. Sometimes we all have this utopia in our minds and how we wish to escape our real lives into this dream world. It's where will power is king, no realities except for the one we make on our own.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
L.I.F.E. in a nutshell
So I had recently come back from Marianist L.I.F.E. Pacific 2009 and what an experience it was. It was interesting to see things from the other side, and to see the impact that it has had on the kids' lives that went this year.
Coming back to L.I.F.E. has put things into perspective. It is amazing the lives that this program has touched being so that 6 people who were on staff went through the L.I.F.E. program. God works in mysterious ways and I was able to connect back with my mentor Frank "Big Boi" Ross. Being back here has shown me how much I love working with kids, high school kids especially and how important it is that there be guides for them in their faith journey. I am possibly looking into counseling, or youth ministry as a calling. I am thankful for all the blessings that God has provided me with over the past couple of weeks. From the new friends and family, to the reaffirmation of my current friends and family and those who I no longer keep in touch with.
Back to life now...and I was reading over the comments of people watching our set from Body Rock (yes I know that was a month ago but we just performed that set for the last time in Elk Grove, good times) and people are getting the message on their own and its amazing. It truly is art and I am proud to be a part of it.
Coming back to L.I.F.E. has put things into perspective. It is amazing the lives that this program has touched being so that 6 people who were on staff went through the L.I.F.E. program. God works in mysterious ways and I was able to connect back with my mentor Frank "Big Boi" Ross. Being back here has shown me how much I love working with kids, high school kids especially and how important it is that there be guides for them in their faith journey. I am possibly looking into counseling, or youth ministry as a calling. I am thankful for all the blessings that God has provided me with over the past couple of weeks. From the new friends and family, to the reaffirmation of my current friends and family and those who I no longer keep in touch with.
Back to life now...and I was reading over the comments of people watching our set from Body Rock (yes I know that was a month ago but we just performed that set for the last time in Elk Grove, good times) and people are getting the message on their own and its amazing. It truly is art and I am proud to be a part of it.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
mind dribble
Pace...
I feel like the world is
spinning constantly, round and round
to leave those who
can't keep up behind.
To those who can,
all the power to you.
Congratulations!
Your legs move fast enough to go along with the rest of the world...
To those who can't, even more power to
you who does not go with the flow
of people and traffic and such and such.
You may not realize it but
the truth is you set your own pace
your own flow of
ideas and thoughts and actions.
You sit there, stand there, dance there, do what you may...
While the rest of the world maintains to keep up.
by: me =)
"Those who dance are often think mad to those who can't hear the music..."
-George Carlin
I feel like the world is
spinning constantly, round and round
to leave those who
can't keep up behind.
To those who can,
all the power to you.
Congratulations!
Your legs move fast enough to go along with the rest of the world...
To those who can't, even more power to
you who does not go with the flow
of people and traffic and such and such.
You may not realize it but
the truth is you set your own pace
your own flow of
ideas and thoughts and actions.
You sit there, stand there, dance there, do what you may...
While the rest of the world maintains to keep up.
by: me =)
"Those who dance are often think mad to those who can't hear the music..."
-George Carlin
Thursday, June 18, 2009
My life in a nutshell...
A lot has happened since my last post...what was it three months ago. Let's see...finished school, I am now the Cultural Co-Chair for the biggest student organization at USF - KASAMAHAN!!!!, I continue to dance more, I am single now (my choice), loving theCOMPANY, we placed second at BODY ROCK, I am going to LIFE Camp this summer woohoo!!!, and I am now a teacher at WSPA.
First of all (Kasamahan) - I expect the coming year to be a hectic one. I am seeing a lot of time management and lost sleep time. I have high expectations for myself. I want to produce one of the best Barrio's that USF has seen in the past years. I want USF Kasamahan to be the family that I know we can be. Drop the bullshit, get together, and become one.
Second of all (Hip Hop) -- As I continue to grow as a dancer, I continue to set goals for myself (thanks Mallari). My goals for this coming year will be to 1) Become a great and beloved teacher. 2) Become a recognized choreographer by my peers and hopefully have a project, and maybe a piece debut in competition. 3) Become a better dancer and support for theCOMPANY.
To be honest with you there's shit that annoys me so much about some of the people in theCOMPANY that I let it build up inside and that I don't express. But I'll tell you my lovely followers here of shit that I've went through. Not everything is as it seems when you see us perform, and I'll be the first to say it that not everyone likes each other but when it comes down to it we get down with the get down and do work. I want to say to myself that I have a friend in everyone in theCOMPANY, but to put my trust and friendship into these people is another story. There are the true friends that I have that know how to keep me ground, that tell it like it is and don't annoy the hell out of me. But this year is different, I want to be able to go to anyone for anything but to tell you the truth that ain't gonna happen. There are people who are quick to talk down to people but me especially. I feel as though I am an easy target and they prolly don't think that "Oh, It's Matthew he won't care" and shit but like when I get it from the same people it hurts. Why me? Anyone else but me, that's what I ask myself but it never happens. I want to say that life in theCOMPANY from the get go has been great, but it hasn't. I miss company's very first year that's where I felt most at home, where I felt that this is my family. Slowly it has changed as people try to step up they step on each other's toes. Like for real though some people just annoy the shit out of me for a couple of reasons, the main reasons are for hypocrisy that they get all butt hurt when someone picks on them or does shit to them, but the first chance they get they do the same thing. There were times in company where I just wanted to give up. Being filler for this and being filler for that. But as I start to get better I see that hard work pays off. I am hopeful that things in company will start to get better but I doubt it, I'm still gonna find people annoying and I'm still gonna be there for the same people who have supported me from the get go.
Third of all (LIFE in general) --- Life has been good to me. As my dancing career begins to pick up I wanted to say that I could commit the same love that I had for dance into a relationship. And it was hard but it was something that I felt like I had to do. Dance has become the biggest priority in my life as I strive to reach my goal: In two years or right after I graduate I am trying out for So You Think You Can Dance and make it. There are other things that I want to do, ultimately I want to be helping the most people I can at the same time and that is through art, dance, and food, and music. My ten year plan:
1_ Be a big ass exec for the San Francisco Giants
2_ Open my own restaurant
3_ Support the dance studio that I grew up in and fund it (meaning build a state-of-the-art facility with brand new studios and such, funding scholarship dancers to those who show promise and show financial need)
4_ Be happy and content with a dog lol
FINALLY...this is my life in a nutshell, I want to blog more hopefully I'll have more followers, I want to get to writing again, and just writing my thoughts out here....I will tell you I did have a third world experience in San Diego with a water main breaking, I also had the best time just chillin and relaxing, in the end I love my fam
PEACE, LOVE, and GOD!!!!
First of all (Kasamahan) - I expect the coming year to be a hectic one. I am seeing a lot of time management and lost sleep time. I have high expectations for myself. I want to produce one of the best Barrio's that USF has seen in the past years. I want USF Kasamahan to be the family that I know we can be. Drop the bullshit, get together, and become one.
Second of all (Hip Hop) -- As I continue to grow as a dancer, I continue to set goals for myself (thanks Mallari). My goals for this coming year will be to 1) Become a great and beloved teacher. 2) Become a recognized choreographer by my peers and hopefully have a project, and maybe a piece debut in competition. 3) Become a better dancer and support for theCOMPANY.
To be honest with you there's shit that annoys me so much about some of the people in theCOMPANY that I let it build up inside and that I don't express. But I'll tell you my lovely followers here of shit that I've went through. Not everything is as it seems when you see us perform, and I'll be the first to say it that not everyone likes each other but when it comes down to it we get down with the get down and do work. I want to say to myself that I have a friend in everyone in theCOMPANY, but to put my trust and friendship into these people is another story. There are the true friends that I have that know how to keep me ground, that tell it like it is and don't annoy the hell out of me. But this year is different, I want to be able to go to anyone for anything but to tell you the truth that ain't gonna happen. There are people who are quick to talk down to people but me especially. I feel as though I am an easy target and they prolly don't think that "Oh, It's Matthew he won't care" and shit but like when I get it from the same people it hurts. Why me? Anyone else but me, that's what I ask myself but it never happens. I want to say that life in theCOMPANY from the get go has been great, but it hasn't. I miss company's very first year that's where I felt most at home, where I felt that this is my family. Slowly it has changed as people try to step up they step on each other's toes. Like for real though some people just annoy the shit out of me for a couple of reasons, the main reasons are for hypocrisy that they get all butt hurt when someone picks on them or does shit to them, but the first chance they get they do the same thing. There were times in company where I just wanted to give up. Being filler for this and being filler for that. But as I start to get better I see that hard work pays off. I am hopeful that things in company will start to get better but I doubt it, I'm still gonna find people annoying and I'm still gonna be there for the same people who have supported me from the get go.
Third of all (LIFE in general) --- Life has been good to me. As my dancing career begins to pick up I wanted to say that I could commit the same love that I had for dance into a relationship. And it was hard but it was something that I felt like I had to do. Dance has become the biggest priority in my life as I strive to reach my goal: In two years or right after I graduate I am trying out for So You Think You Can Dance and make it. There are other things that I want to do, ultimately I want to be helping the most people I can at the same time and that is through art, dance, and food, and music. My ten year plan:
1_ Be a big ass exec for the San Francisco Giants
2_ Open my own restaurant
3_ Support the dance studio that I grew up in and fund it (meaning build a state-of-the-art facility with brand new studios and such, funding scholarship dancers to those who show promise and show financial need)
4_ Be happy and content with a dog lol
FINALLY...this is my life in a nutshell, I want to blog more hopefully I'll have more followers, I want to get to writing again, and just writing my thoughts out here....I will tell you I did have a third world experience in San Diego with a water main breaking, I also had the best time just chillin and relaxing, in the end I love my fam
PEACE, LOVE, and GOD!!!!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
COUPLE THINGS
So I perform tonight with theCOMPANY @ AT&T Park for the GIANTS' FILIPINO HERITAGE NIGHT...we perform @ 6:30 so hope to see you there.
2nd thing, I normally don't get excited about politics except for two occasions, Barack Obama and now Gavin Newsom. He is running for Governor in 2010, his campaign is getting me excited about the upcoming governor election. Check this video out.
2nd thing, I normally don't get excited about politics except for two occasions, Barack Obama and now Gavin Newsom. He is running for Governor in 2010, his campaign is getting me excited about the upcoming governor election. Check this video out.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
WORLD OF DANCE w/VIDEO
It was an amazing experience to share the stage with my family with A.P.T. along the sides and the front cheering for us. I swear when I turned around for the opener I saw my buddy Cheryl Koo (Other Duck Clothing -her shit is dope by the way...check it out at http://www.theotherduck.com/main.php) and I began to dance harder knowing she was right in the front watching me. Thank you to all the dancers who gave us props afterwards and check it out for yourself...watch in HD its so much better.
HERE IT IS THE WORLD PREMIERE...."SINGLE SECTIONS" by theCOMPANY
HERE IT IS THE WORLD PREMIERE...."SINGLE SECTIONS" by theCOMPANY
WORLD OF DANCE
Just got back from WORLD OF DANCE in Pomona with theCOMPANY. Congratulations to Choreo Cookies, Pac Modern, and Marvelous Motion for placing 1st, 2nd, and 3rd respectively. It was a long day, great vendors and amazing dancer. I got to see some old friends and it was great just to chop it up with them. Even though we didn't win, we did our thing out on the stage and I'm glad to call theCOMPANY my family. I LOVE YOU GUYS and we'll get them again just watch.
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